A New Day

Well, I got a JOB!! It's at a spa, which will be a great benefit, I'm sure..It's a little far (45 minutes), but I will be basically be running the place. The lady is moving from another location, so there will be a lot of "dirt" work to do this coming week, but I think it's going to be good. The pay isn't bad nor are the hours, so hopefully I will still be able to be a mom and figure out what I am doing home wise soon. Oh, I got a phone call last night from Jodie's mom (Jamie's girlfriend) telling me that Jodi's cousin (14) shot herself and Jodi was there and saw the whole thing. It just breaks my heart to know that a baby, my babies age felt like that was the only thing that she could do.. I cried myself to sleep last night, and of course all Rick could say was that sucks.. What support huh? Then he actually asked today if I could take one of the little kids to a birthday party tomorrow. When I told him that I would be in SC getting the kids he gets an attitude and says unless Dick pays me that I am not "allowed" to meet him. Well, excuse me my kids are up there. I am so sick and tired of fighting with guys over crap... Tired of it. I just have to be strong and get through this. It just seems like I can't stay "up" for long. I knew this day would go to shit. At least my best friend is supportive and happy for me. I thought she was going to cry when I called to tell her. I'm just sick of guys... I think I may turn gay (not really, I'm just that sick of men!!) I keep telling myself that I will be ok by myself, and I don't need Rick, but I love him and I want him to love me but I also know how it feels when you DON'T love someone.. I didn't love Dick and all the praying and crying trying to figure out how to love him didn't help. It's funny because I find myself doing the same thing now except this time I'm praying that God will make me NOT love Rick. Not working too well for me. I guess we will see how the rest of the day goes and tomorrow.. Not looking forward to driving 6 hrs and then dealing with both men in the same day. Just don't know what to do about staying going, keeping the peace or standing my ground..